two thousand thirteen…

You may remember that my last post, Spaceman’s Disease, was the first of a two part series on the biology, difficulty (and necessity, perhaps) of exercising with a chronic illness. This actually is not the 2nd part. Consider this part 1.5, where I prepare for part 2 🙂
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Yesterday, Saturday, was the best day of 2013.  That’s my “trying to be positive” way of saying that 2013 has had a rough start. I didn’t make it to midnight on New Year’s (no surprise there), but woke up feeling satisfactory on the 1st.

However, by the end of the day I had the beginning of a migraine and was feeling symptomatic. The next morning, my migraine was severe and I began vomiting. I don’t exactly have an iron stomach, but these days I only vomit from stomach flu or when I’m in extreme pain. In this case, it was caused by the latter.

The migraine lasted a few days and I missed work. By Friday, it had been downgraded from a migraine to a bad headache. But that, combined with the weakness from not eating and back/neck pain of late, I was still in a lot of pain. We had an important meeting at work that I needed to be a part of, so I pushed through and went in. The day ended a little better than it started, but still not the kind of day I was hoping to see more of in 2013.

By Saturday my back pain had increased, but my headache had lessened. I forgave myself for not exercising the first few days of the year, but knew it was time to formulate a plan for the remaining 360. However, I had no idea where to start. And, if I was being honest with myself, I knew I needed a strategy that entailed more than just exercising.

For a while I have been feeling like I need a purpose. I need an outlet, or at the very least, a direction, for the frustration and occasional anger I feel towards dysautonomia, occipital neuralgia, and ME/CFS. These illnesses have changed my life, there’s no doubt about that, but sometimes I struggle to dissociate “change” from “ruin.” I don’t really think my life has been ruined, but in the midst of suffering, it can be a challenge to see it any other way. I still struggle to make sense of out my illness, and to find meaning, when perhaps there is none. I’ve always been interested in the philosophy of existence (existentialism), and this year I’d like to examine my own. And, as I indicated above, make sure that existence is something positive.

So, when I came across my friend Ericka’s Saturday morning blog post about performing an annual self review, I knew I needed to develop a plan for 2013. Using the spreadsheet template provided in Ericka’s post (see below for link), I began to diagram my categorized goals for 2013. This year, I’m setting achievable goals in:

HEALTH
FITNESS
CAREER
FAMILY
FRIENDS
RELATIONSHIP
OUTLOOK/ATTITUDE
PERSONAL INTERESTS
FINANCES
WRITING
COMMUNITY

(Subject to change 🙂 )
Category #2, Fitness, is where my exercise plan comes in, the challenges and goals of which I will share with you in my next post.

So, in the interest of searching for meaning in seemingly meaningless pain, a rocky start to 2013 has led to a promising year ahead. I would highly encourage you to create your own plan or goals for the next year. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just think about your vision for this year. What would you like to accomplish? Perhaps you’d like to travel more? Learn a new craft? Volunteer? Think about the ultimate measurable goal, and then list the steps needed to achieve that goal.

I’ll give you an example: This year I would like to learn more about social security disability law. Because I have a number of chronically ill friends, I know a few people currently on disability or who will soon apply. So, how can I go about learning about disability law? First, I’m going to make a list of people I know currently on disability. I will contact those individuals and inquire as to how they obtained disability benefits. Then, I will look for CLE classes about disability law (may as well get credit towards my continuing education requirements) and sign up for any classes that sound informative. Last, I will check out books from my local library about disability and will contact my attorney friends to see if they know anyone who practices disability law that could give me a quick rundown.

So, what do you think? Are you ready to formulate your own plan yet? If you need a little help getting started, like I did, check out my friend Ericka’s blog post.

“What is the purpose of all this?” Man asked God.
“Everything must have a purpose?” asked God.
“Certainly,” said man.
“Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this,” said God.
– Kurt Vonnegut

Stay tuned.
– L

Afterthought: As part of my 2013 goals, I intend to organize my blog face a little and will be modifying the blogroll to the right. I’d like to add the blog addresses of my regular readers who also blog. If you would prefer that I do/not add yours, please let me know by commenting below or emailing me at lindsay@dysautonomiac.com. Thanks!