LindsayA good friend of mine wrote a blog series for the Spirit of War military blog about suicide in September for suicide awareness month. As suicide has been an important issue in the military community for decades, her blog series was both relevant and timely. The blog posts acknowledged the stigma surrounding suicide, then advocated for ending that stigma and opening up the discussion.
There is an emotional darkside to illness. The pain, loneliness, difficulty coping all can lead down a dark path. Like in the military, suicide is also a relevant topic in the chronically ill community. We need to open up the discussion about the darkside of illness that is seldom acknowledged, but often felt. So let’s talk about it. I’ll even go first.
In one particular post, my friend refers to a discussion she and I once had regarding the intensity of pain. In that discussion, she and I both admitted to experiencing pain so debilitating that we feared we would do anything to get rid of it. I don’t allow guns to be kept in my house for fear of what I might do in the midst of extreme pain. For me, personally, it’s not about depression – in fact, I like my life. Despite my illness, I consider myself to be a very fortunate person surrounded by the best BF, a supportive family, and wonderful friends. And, genetically, other than this bastard “dysautonomia”, I think I won the lottery. But after days straight of pain so extreme I begin to vomit constantly, and no foreseeable end to the pain, I start to weigh my options. Acetaminophen and ibuprofen don’t do anything for me, and prescription painkillers tend to exacerbate all my other symptoms. So, I have to either deal with the pain, or find a way to end it. When I’m not in pain, such thoughts never enter my head.
According to studies, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It is estimated that up to 50% of suicides may be attributable to a chronic physical illness. (Source). Back pain, migraines, headaches or tension headaches, fibromyalgia and psychogenic pain are all associated with a higher risk of suicide. (Source. Also, see articles linked below). Additionally, many chronic illnesses (including dysautonomia and ME/CFS) list depression as a symptom. Add the physical pain, frustration and isolation by friends, family, society, and even the medical community, and it’s not difficult to see why many chronically ill patients feel alone and hopeless. For some, suicide may be a constant thought resulting from isolation and depression. Others may not be depressed, but may have suicidal thoughts as an immediate response to an unbearable situation, as I described above. Either way, those thoughts need to be addressed.
People with chronic illnesses “should be considered a high-risk group for suicide … and much greater attention should be given to providing better … psychological support.” (Source). For those suffering from debilitating illnesses, it may be difficult to find meaning in the pain, frustration, isolation, and disability. Additionally, it can be very hard to accept an illness and a new way of life. And, the very definition of chronic illness indicates that it may never go away. That can be a very troublesome thought, and sometimes it feels like a darkness takes over your life.
How should we deal with this?
- Let yourself feel. I’ve said this numerous times, but developing a chronic illness can sometimes feel like your previous life has died. It’s okay to mourn it, to be upset, frustrated, sad, hopeless. Whatever you’re feeling is not “wrong”. When you can’t find any positives in your “new” life, it might be time to talk to someone about it.
- Don’t be afraid to talk about it. There is a stigma attached to suicide, and there shouldn’t be. Historically, suicide was considered a crime, and many religions view it as a sin. And yet it is neither of those things. It is simply a choice. Many people are fighting a darkness that is not visible from the outside. Open the discussion with your loved ones. How? If it helps, share my story. Or share my friend’s blog post linked above. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, consider starting by telling your loved ones that you read a blog post by a (totally awesome) woman, Lindsay, who talked about how being in extreme pain can lead to thoughts of how to end that pain. Or, if you think a loved one might be having suicidal thoughts, tell them about this post and ask if they have ever had thoughts like that. Then…
- Listen without judgment. One of the primary reasons people who are considering suicide choose not to talk about it is the fear of judgment. Listen to your loved one. Express sympathy and understanding without making any judgment. Let them know you will be there for them throughout this tough time.
- Professional help. Part of what makes those of us with chronic illnesses feel alone is that we may be dismissed by much of the medical community – accused of faking our illness or seeking attention. Seeking a mental help professional not only allows a person to deal with suicidal thoughts, but can also help the patient feel validated. There are many counselors and psychologists whose practices focus on providing emotional help to the physically ill. Remember, there is a reason many professionals specialize in providing counseling just to the chronically ill – illness can have a profound, and sometimes devastating, effect on life.
- Don’t Give Up. If you know someone who is suffering due to pain or chronic illness, help them find alternatives to help with the pain. If pharmaceuticals aren’t helping, maybe acupuncture, massage, ayurvedic or naturopathic medicine, meditation or physical therapy will provide some relief. Or, perhaps heavy pharmaceutical or even recreational drug use could lessen the pain during its strongest days. (Note: I am neither promoting nor discouraging this option. Every individual should have the freedom to decide what to put in his/her body.)
If you need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are always available to help, and any information you provide is totally confidential.
Do you ever feel like a burden to others? Have you ever thought of hurting yourself? What stopped you?
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” – His Holiness Dalai Lama XIV
Smell ya later.
– L
I’d like to remind everyone that WordPress does provide the ability to leave an anonymous comment. The comment field below will ask for an email address, but I have my blog comment settings set so that you do not have to include one. If there’s something you’d like to share anonymously, please do so. Ordinarily I’m a big fan of free speech (must be the “lawyer” in me), but I will delete any comments to this particular post that attack or chastise another commentor. In order to create an open dialogue, we must be respectful and sensitive to others.
Related articles
- The Tangible Effects of Invisible Illness
- Migraine Sufferers Under 30 Six Times More Likely To Be Depressed, Four Times Likelier To Have Suicidal Thoughts (medicaldaily.com)
- Migraines Tied to Raised Risk of Depression, Suicidal Thoughts (nlm.nih.gov)
- Do you know anyone with a chronic illness that needs cheering? Read on! (theheartbeatofthehome.com)
I’m so glad you have the guts to “go there.”
And so sick of hearing from people who don’t “get it.”
They don’t live with the soul sucking nature of constant nausea, weakness, fear of passing out–and getting injured as a result. (I just broke and dislocated my elbow in a fall–AGAIN–AND it set off everything else just for good measure).
The waking up daily NEVER knowing IF today will be a good day–or will– for no reason whatsoever–be an awful one.
Then there’s the fury of dealing with docs who don’t get it either–who call us nuts–quit on us–and some who even belittle us for being sick?
If you have lived with all of this and NOT had these days of wanting to take a long walk off a short pier then I guess I’d have to ask, why are you reading this?
But, like Lindsay, WE ARE NOT EMOTIONAL WEAKINGS–YOU CAN NOT BE AND SURVIVE THIS.
We fight our way out of bed every day with dysautonomia!
And no one who doesn’t have this has ANY right to tell us how to feel.
We all know that to live with this disease takes guts.
We ARE NOT WEAKLINGS!
We have HUGE strength!.
And I, for one, want to remind you all that this is so!
Big hugs to all who are not having a good day today–and to those who are– another hug ’cause you keep on going even though you NEVER know what tomorrow will bring.
Shrinks? Haven’t personally had much luck with them–drugs are such a HUGE issue and they seem to want to give me drugs I can’t handle and get mad when I can’t handle it.
Also, they simply do NOT get it–and dealing with THAT from doctors of all types is about #2 on my “tuff to handle” list.
But TRY EVERYTHING–if ANYTHING works for you I say GO FOR IT!!!
What HAS helped me?
Lindsay!
And others like us!
If you can, find another person who has this–it is the best medicine!
We get it!
A side note:
There is a Doctor, Randy Thompson, Pensacola, Fl. who both specializes in Dys AND HAS IT!
He studied with Coglin (Google it–he is the guru of Dys).
Also Dr. Randy has two daughters with Dys. Another thing we have to deal with?
He is my person who has this to talk to–for 4 hours at my last visit!
Whatever it takes–find a way to talk to someone who lives with what you do to help you find ways to survive.
Get help–NO ONE CAN DO THIS ALONE.
And keep looking for more support everywhere–so that even on the worst days you have help to keep suicide the less appealing option.
“Recreational meds”. L?
You go girl!
I had to chuckle.
Nausea RX meds quit working for me years ago–but the soul sucking nausea is still here.
Whatever it takes, I think we should have to right as human beings to treat ourselves with ANY med that works for us.
Not saying I recommend anything–these are personal choices.
Just that we should all have the right to make that choice about how we treat our illness.
And I am in the fight to make that choice possible in all 50 states–not just the 20 that currently allow it medically. GET LEGAL SUPPORT AND THE FACTS ABOUT THE LAW WHERE YOU LIVE BEFORE YOU DECIDE THIS AT NORML.COM.
Like L, says, the main thing is DON’T GIVE UP!
I have had this all my life–and am now 59.
Things that help us HAVE gotten better through the years–and will continue to do so!
Never surrender!
Email me if all else fails–or post here.
Thanks again, L!
You rock!!!
Sandy Sims,
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss.
thanks for your comment! you are so right – no one can do this alone! thank god for the internet, where we can share tips, doctors, and just have a place to vent. i think without it, a lot of us wouldn’t be here today.
thanks for sharing about Dr. Thompson in Florida – hopefully that will make a huge difference in someone’s life!
Hopefully I don’t have to explain brain fog here.
I screwed up it’s NORML.ORG (not .com) for info on–well–that “recreational drug” thing we’re all avoiding talking about but are.
BTW for people with constant nausea and pain–and dys drug side effect issues for some that make the use of normal pain meds impossible –“recreational” isn’t quite the right way to refer to it. (but I don’t have a better way to say it either L)
Which is why these laws need to be changed for those that need access to legal medical use.
Again, not saying do this!
But Norml’s website gives access to info for your state.
And just saying ANY treatment that works for you should be a matter of personal choice.
Again, thanks L, for opening the scary door!
BTW I’m trying a new “get me out of bed on those awful days” drug.
Off the wall idea, but it seems to be helping.
I am taking a VERY small dose of Ritalin–1/4 of a 10mg pill in the AM (less than they give children). I have drug side effect issues and have to take ridiculously small doses of everything.
My doc, who also has dys, has had good luck with it–and I am too.
This has to be done VERY carefully so as to not cause high BP.
LOL for me this has NEVER been an issue, but for some it is. It’s helped me get my Bp up to 100/78 without adding more steriods (Florinef).
And I feel alive again!
Hope it’s OK to share this sort of stuff???
Again, NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO THIS–JUST SAYING WHAT MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN.
haha, no need to explain brain fog. i’m very familiar 🙂
you are right – “recreational” isn’t the correct word to use when referring to drug use for pain. perhaps we need a better word. but, i agree with you, that if someone finds a medication that works for them, they should be able to get that medication – whether it’s a drug that is prescribed, or one that is currently illegal.
i’ve heard of a few people finding ritalin helpful – perhaps we will start to see it prescribed more often for dysautonomia?
Thank you so much for opening up on this issue. When I first got CFS I did not know what it meant or how to manage myself, and I became incredibly depressed over about 3 years as I became more isolated, confused and tired. It took me about a year to admit that I was depressed, and another six months before I agreed to take antidepressants and seek counselling because I saw it as a ‘weakness’. These saved my life and started the journey to accepting and managing my illness.
There needs to be a bigger conversation about depression and chronic illness (because as you said, who wouldn’t become depressed living with pain, isolation, joblessness, often poverty and no hope for any future change) as well as a move away from the stigma that needing help is a form of ‘weakness’.
Thank you again for talking about this issue in a sensitive, caring and engaging manner. Once again, I am so glad I found your blog!
you brought up a great point that i left out – viewing depression as a “weakness”! that’s so true – our society views it as being weak – that if we’re not happy, we have somehow failed. that has to change!
thank you so much for your comment!
Really enjoyed yours post. You have attacked the forbidden topic so well. Thank you very much
thank you for reading it!
I completely understand what you wrote about how a person cannot suffer from depression yet still think about suicide in moments of crisis. I refer to it as accidental suicide. It can occur under circumstances you talked about when the pain gets so bad for so long you contemplate ending it all. There is also the type when you are in so much pain for so long that you forget what meds you have take and how much, you swallow just about every pill in you medicine cabinet hoping something will work and – voila! – you have now OD’ed. Pain makes us forgetful which is not good when we have a medicine cabinet of potentially lethal drugs.
that’s a good point about accidental suicide. i’m sure it’s not difficult for those with chronic pain to understand how one could take a lot of meds and not realize how much they have taken. the more we take, the easier it is to forget how much has been ingested, and sometimes a combination of different meds can be lethal.
thank you for raising this important point!
Pain med overdose that leads to death???
This happens something like every 18 minutes in the USA.
And then there’s physical addiction to worry about as well?
One of the best reasons to legalize in ALL 50 states that “recreational” cure that has NEVER caused an overdose death nor physical addiction. (You can get mentally addicted to Snickers bars) BTW I do not warranty my spelling in this or ANY other post. Brain fog should have SOME uses! And it’s my excuse for being a rotten speller! LOL and about everything else I do wrong!
Ritalin?
Again, it so helps to have an autonomic doc who has DYS himself–and has two daughters with it. When he says “this works” it’s because HE has already tried it.
2.5mg per day I take is 10% of a child’s dose for ADHD. And it works on training the sympathethic part of my brain that is not working well about when to sleep and when to wake up. But I AM WEIRD–VERY SMALL DOSES OF SOME DRUGS DO HUGE THINGS TO ME. Meaning, my results may not be yours–or anyones.
I also have taken clonidine for sleep–also an odd choice from a doc who has this and has researched all sorts of choices. Again something that works from the brain out in the way that best suits people with my autonomic issues.
But I can’t take it often because my Bp gets low too easily. and I take 1/2 or even 1/4 of .1mg tab. WE WHO HAVE THIS ARE ALL WEIRD ABOUT MEDS SO DO NOT EVER TAKE ANYTHING WITHOUT VERY CAREFUL DOCTORS SUPERVISION.
Florinef news?
Lots of us take this–and it works well for many. Its been my lifeline for sure.
But I have always fought taking my full dose of this quasi-steriod due to fear of long term side effects.
Interesting news from my recent appt with Dr Randy.
A new study shows that this drug not only works for symptoms it “may” in some cases actually bring dys flare ups into remission.
He says, SO ALWAYS TAKE IT WHEN YOU NEED IT!
He says, “This is the ONLY known drug to actually–sort of–show some hope as a–(dare I say it)–cure?”
Ok, we will always have dys–but it CAN go into remission until the next serious aggravating factor brings it back out. (Like putting my own elbow back into joint the other day when I fell? But it can viral, or stress–all sorts of things.)
I am able to survive now–after a year on the drug WITHOUT AN ER VISIT FOR LOW BP SHOCK — on a 1/2 smaller dose than it first took to keep be stable.
Maybe????
Side note–He cautioned it must NOT be used in doses more than 3 each .1 mg pills per day or it changes in effect and more has the effects of cortisone type steroid and will no longer show these longer term curative effects.
If I get to the point I need this much we need to add other meds instead.
AGAIN, WE WHO HAVE THIS ARE OFTEN WEIRD ABOUT REACTIONS TO MEDS SO DO NOT SWALLOW EVEN A VITAMIN WITHOUT VERY CAREFUL DOCTOR’S SUPERVISION.
The only thing that keeps me going most days during nearly 20 yrs of horrendous illness is the thought that I can end it all whenever I like. Sadly because of my almost total drug allergy, including alcohol, I can’t take the easy option of dozens of sedatives and a bottle of vodka, and now there are catalytic converters on cars gassing myself is out, so my death would have to be rather brutal (hanging, wrist slitting in a hot bath), but I’m sure I’d find a way 😉 The only thing that stops me is I can’t bear to leave my little rescue dog (his first owner died too) and my parents rely on me totally and I’d feel too guilty leaving them to fend for themselves, but if it weren’t for them I’d’ve been dead years ago. I’m not depressed either, but this isn’t living…..it’s existing. Well done on raising this taboo subject xx
I am so grateful that you shared your story with us. When I first started having symptoms, I would often think to myself that one day I hoped to actually have a life, and not just maintain an existence, so I completely understand what you are saying.
I’m sorry things turned out this way for you – it’s no way to “live”. But, your parents and dog are very lucky to have you, and we’re very fortunate you shared your story with us. I’m sure someone reading it now feels a little less alone.
GAWD HAVE I BEEN THERE!
But there ARE new treatments coming out daily.
Never give up!
I too have multiple drug allergies/reactions–and alcohol issues.
DDAVP desmopressin which helps to increase water retained volume–helped–by dilution of everything I put into my body. Diabetes insipidus (not sugar diabetes–this is water diabetes) blood testing Is simple–and may solve some allergy/drug problems.
TRY EVERYTHING–talk to your doctors again–there are new mood meds out daily. Also check to see if more natural herbal remedies are legal in your state and your doctor thinks might help.
KEEP TRYING EVERYTHING!
BTW–I get it–and you are so brave to hang in!!!
XOXOXOXXO
Sandy
BTW–alcohol issues meaning the stuff makes me throw up–I’m allergic to it too
It’s a huge issue. I’ve written about it a few times. I think it’s important to credit the neurology behind this — we actually blow through our neurotransmitters a whole lot faster than healthy people, and believe it or not, we have a finite supply of those molecules. Here’s my post on that, if you are ok with fellow bloggers chipping in 🙂
http://livinganyway.com/wp/2011/03/08/dopamine-poverty-and-pain-the-lighter-side/
It’s not so much that chronic pain has to be depressing, it’s that it uses up so much of the mood-lifting neurotransmitters on other tasks. The more credit I give myself for lifting this burden in spite of that, the better I do.
I, too, keep suicide in my back pocket as a way of keeping my sense of perspective. It’s been over a decade, but I’m still here!
thanks for all of the info on neurotransmitters – i did not know this and learned something new!
i love when fellow bloggers provide a link to posts they have written, so i’m glad you did. very informative post!