2018: a year in review…

Friends. Oh, friends. It has been a year, am I right? A crazy, uprooting, ass-kicking, mind-fucking spellbound year. I never saw this year coming; was completely unprepared for most of it. But it happened and it’s over, thank god. So at 10:30 p.m. on December 31st, let’s take one final look back, before we bid 2018 good riddance.

By February, my health was improving. I was able to walk a little further and a little longer without getting dizzy.

In March, I had my second ever tilt table test. You can read about it here. TL;DR Second time wasn’t nearly as bad as the first, but it’s still a medieval torture device. For the next 10 weeks, I participated in a clinical drug trial http://dysautonomiac.com/2018/06/03/research-update-3-ivabradine-for-pots/for ivabradine. Not the miracle drug I hoped for, but man, what an adventure. But my health declined as a result.

In April, my mother-in-law (who was also my roommate) was diagnosed with cancer. Thus began my 2 month journey of trying to help a family survive without making myself fall apart.

I also started experiencing a new, weird symptom, which I will write about soon.

Multiple new doctor visits beginning in May. New diagnosis, but nothing I didn’t already know. More questions.

In June, my mother-in-law died. The whole ordeal of watching and hearing someone suffer intensely and not being able to do anything about it was life changing.

In July, I took a trip to Lake Tahoe for a family reunion. Not the restful trip I needed, but I was able to see cousins I hadn’t seen in 15+ years.

After my mother-in-law passed, we essentially became caregivers for my father-in-law. He’s in good health, but we help by doing his laundry, cooking, and cleaning.

In August, my husband and I celebrated ten years together (since we started dating). It would have been his mom’s birthday the next day (had she not died two months earlier), so we didn’t celebrate the anniversary.

I started a new workout program with the initial goal of being in shape for my high school reunion, but which turned into much more

In September, I celebrated my 11 year work anniversary, reminding me yet again how fortunate I am that I’m able to work.

In October, I went home to my high school reunion, which not only reminded me how much I love my friends, but confirmed that their husbands are pretty amazing, too.

In November I held my grandmother’s hand while she took her last breath. I got to spend 10+ hours a day helping my mom for 6 days and had to deal with the inevitable family drama that comes when a loved one passes.

This month, we celebrated our first Christmas without my mother-in-law and grandmother, while trying to make it special for my father-in-law. I’m not sure we were successful, as I ended up getting sick. And I feel guilty for not spending what was probably my mom’s last Christmas with her.

I keep saying that it has been a shitty year, but that’s not true. It has been a difficult year, but those aren’t the same thing.  I spent the majority of the year exhausted and uncomfortable and questioning the futility of everything. But I’m grateful that 2018 provided me with opportunities to be brave, to prove my worth to my husband’s family, to give my grandmother the death everyone deserves, and to blow my comfort zone out of the water. I haven’t had to take medication for my heart in a week, and I think that’s a really great way to end 2018.

Cheers, friends. May your 2019 be memorable. To new beginnings.

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language

and next year’s words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning.” – T.S. Eliot

Happy New Year.
– Linds