LindsayWednesday marked 13 weeks that I have been working from home due to the pandemic, and also began the two week countdown until I return to the office. I am so ready to get out of this house, but not ready for the risk that awaits in the real world.
I am nervous about going back to work, and not just because of the virus, although facing a potentially deadly virus is always a concern. At home, I am in control of my illnesses. Everything can be dictated here – the temperature, lights, activity, noise, food, water, how long I stand, how often I sit, even stress, to some extent. I never feel anxious at home because I’m never in danger of losing consciousness. Every possible medication I have been prescribed is nearby. I am more willing to try something different knowing, if it makes me sick, I’m not trapped at work for the rest of the day. I can walk 10 feet and lie down if necessary, although the beauty of being home is that I never need to. I rarely need special accommodations, but regularly need the comfort of knowing special accommodations are available. And they’re always available at home.
I feel very grateful that I have only had 3 minor health-related issues throughout this entire pandemic. The first is the discovery of a moderate zinc deficiency, which frankly I should have seen coming since it has occurred in the past and I’m deficient in most things. The second is a mild increase in neuropathic pain, which is mostly self-inflicted and will be discussed in a later post. And the third I’m not worried about, but would still rather wait to discuss until after my mammogram today.
Everything else is markedly improved. If we’re talking strictly physically, I feel better than I have in a while. But, it comes at a cost. Staying home all the time is a sheltered existence. The irony is that, inside, boarded up, I feel free.
And now it is time to tear down the boards. I’m nervous about getting back out there, about the masks and the tainted surfaces and the minimum distances from which I must stand from another person. For the resurgence of the virus or my symptoms. But I’m grateful for the time inside, both inside my house and the inner workings of my mind, where I could read and learn and share memories and tell stories and become engaged in the world around me without the the threat of having it interrupted by pain or irreverence. I’m grateful for the alliances formed with members of my household as we banned together like soldiers against a foreign invader. And I’m grateful for my little cocoon, where for a time I have been able to remember what it is like to not have limitations.
“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” – Jack Gilbert
Be careful out there, friends.
Smell ya later.
– Linds
In the midst of so much fear and anger and worry, it’s always heartening when you can read someone appreciate the benefits, even if they’re hard to find. I’m glad the time isolated at home as had its upsides. Personally, I don’t see the restrictions lifting here in the UK as a good thing; I’ve been wearing an FFP2 mask for a few months now so I’ve been going out for essentials, and it just gets busier and scarier each time I go out. I’m dreading what it’ll be like in a few weeks, given that the risk of the virus is still there like it has been from the start. I’m sorry you’ve had an increase in pain, I hope you can get a little relief from that. And the zinc deficiency isn’t one you often hear about; have you managed to get your levels ‘levelled’ out? I hope so, and that you can take the weekend to rest, relax and enjoy a little family time at home. Sending love, stay safe.
Caz xx
Thanks, Caz! I wrote a long reply to this and for some reason it disappeared.
I fear the lifting of restrictions, too. Locally, our case count is steady, but certainly not going down. Everyone talks about the second wave coming, but we’re still in our first wave over here, since cases have been steadily increasing since the beginning. As the warm weather sets in and people get out more, I expect there will be a large increase.
It took a little while to find zinc supplements (why are the weirdest things running out during the pandemic, like toilet roll and zinc??), so I just started them. Hopefully it will increase soon. I have read that zinc deficiency can occur in people that take iron supplements. I take loads of iron each day and have for a decade due to iron deficiency anemia.
I hope you are safe at home and weathering the pandemic. Hugs.
Wishing you luck in going back to work Lindsay, but especially luck with the mammogram. I hope when you get to do an update on that it’s one of the “I had it checked but it was nothing” things.
I’m personally still staying in lockdown mode here, especially because it is virtually NO different than my regular mode. Everybody and their mother in my state seems to think that we’re all good now and “it was all a bad dream”. Some are wearing masks when they go out just to be safe, but a lot aren’t and people in my state, hell my CITY have proven to me that I can’t treat them like they’re normal responsible and empathetic human beings. Two weekends ago I went with my husband on a quick grocery store run because he thought I really needed to get out of the house. We both of course wore masks, tried to socially distance as best we could, and we didn’t stay at the store that long (10-15 minutes maybe). A week later I suddenly came down with a fever. It was not a high fever, it didn’t even break 100 degrees all day, but it was an unusual symptom for me and a huge RED FLAG in the middle of a freaking pandemic. I was freaked out – I still am freaked out, really. I didn’t have any abnormal issues breathing or any of the big ‘Rona symptoms. And the fever only lasted 24 hours and then poof it went away. I think I’m fine and maybe it was a symptom of another issue I’ve been dealing with for a little while, but I honestly don’t know. Maybe it was the other thing I’m dealing with, or maybe I had the virus and I’m one of those miraculous stories I’ve heard of people who hardly have any symptoms and barely even know they’re sick other than a little cough (doubtful). What I do know is that it’ll be a while before I make some silly little grocery store run just because I might need to get some fresh air. If I need fresh air from now on I’ll just have my husband take me for a Sunday drive with the car windows down!
Thank you! I’m still awaiting results of the mammogram, but I’m not worried.
The coronavirus cases have been increasing by quite a bit in my state, too. People seem to think that since businesses are opening back up, the virus is gone.
I can understand freaking out when you came down with a fever! My husband and I both got sick in March – nothing too serious, but he stayed home from work for a few days and that NEVER happens. We didn’t think anything of it at the time, since it was before cases in my state blew up, but now we can’t help but wonder. I also had a slight fever and and coughing later in March after our official stay at home order was in effect. I think it was probably allergies, but it made me very anxious at the time. Definitely best to be safe and limit going out, if that’s an option! A lovely Sunday drive is the perfect way to get out and see the town without the risk!
I definitely understand your worry on all those levels. I hope you have a mask and can stay safe and hope that you can adapt for work some of what you’ve learned that works well for you at home. Xx
Thank you! I do have a mask and wear it everytime I leave the house (unless I’m just taking the dog for a walk around my neighborhood). My boss said we’ll have some new rules in place around the office, which will hopefully help!
“I do have a mask and wear it everytime I leave the house (unless I’m just taking the dog for a walk around my neighborhood).”
This was me, until some friends chided me into at least taking one with me on dog walks. Yesterday there was a group of ppl standing blocking the entire road, and K-9 really needed to use the facilities. I was very grateful I had a mask with me.
Hey long time
Just checking in to see how you are.
Been living with this beast for 16 years
Had a short hospital admission-new medicine seems to help chest pain.
I guess with dysautonomia it is surprising that you think your on the best medication regime and they pull one out of the hat that works- always a few duds along the way
Hope you are doing okay being back at work and juggling everything.
Take care
Hopefully you are going through a period of balancing everything out
Corrine
Hi there!
Sorry to hear about the hospital admission. Are you doing better now?
It’s amazing how we get used to feeling mediocre, and thinking that we actually feel good, until something comes along that actually improves symptoms and we realize we weren’t feeling that great before. That’s why I like to mix things up occasionally by trying something new or temporarily stopping a medication (if safe), to see if there is something simple I could do to feel better.
How’s your chest pain now?