LindsayHey friends.
I have been absent for a while. Not because anything exciting has been going on. On the contrary, very little has been going on. It has been a difficult twelve months and I just have not had anything worthwhile to say. Even writing this post is painfully difficult. The words just are not there. But it is Dysautonomia Awareness Month, so I should say something, even if it isn’t worthwhile. But first I thought I should provide an update.
I’m working from the office two days a week, and from home the other three days. I am very pro-mask, but wearing one all day for those two days is stifling and sweltering and I have the mask acne (macne?) to prove it. It’s hard to breathe through multiple pieces of cloth. I don’t know how people who have to wear one everyday do it. Please be especially patient with all workers that have to interact with the public right now. It can be scary out there.
I have only been working part-time, as my hours are reduced due to the pandemic, but I am as busy as I was before this all started. There is always an endless amount of dishes, cooking, cleaning, and laundry that has to be done. I very much look forward to a return to normalcy, but as more time passes, I fear that will never happen.
On days where I work from home, I’m at our dining room table, which is not comfortable or convenient, and I can hear my father-in-law’s loud tv all day. We have a dedicated office space upstairs, but this summer has been brutal, and our a/c doesn’t really reach up there. It reached 112 F at my house this summer (that’s 44C for my international friends). This week, in mid October, it’s in the high 90s and low 100s (36-38C). I’m only about 14 miles from the ocean, so this kind of continued heat in my area is unheard of. I hope in another couple weeks I will be able to move to our office upstairs and finally get some work done.
I enjoy the slower pace and have been reading a lot (your book recommendations are welcome), playing with my dog, having regular video happy hours with my family, and drinking more alcohol than I should. But I miss being able to smile at strangers, face to face conversations, and hugs. I miss road trips and new adventures, old friends and meeting new people, and a time when everything didn’t seem hopeless.
For the first few months of the pandemic, I felt good, physically. My symptoms were reduced and I was managing my health well, but as this thing drags on, I am finding it more difficult to do that. But I have been looking deeper into my health history and made some important discoveries, which I will share soon. The pandemic has provided me the opportunity to try new things, because if I’m working entirely from home (as I was in the beginning), there isn’t the concern that a bad reaction would keep me from going to work the next day. I now mostly eat gluten and dairy free, although I do still drink beer and eat the occasional slice of cheese. I have tried some new supplements and stopped some medications. I am trying to keep my illnesses as controlled as possible, because when this pandemic ends, there are so many things that I want to do.
But in the meantime, I look forward to having conversations with all of you again.
Also, totally unrelated to anything else, but if you’re in the U.S., please go vote.
“Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled–
to cast aside the weight of factsand maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.” – Mary Oliver
Smell ya later.
– Linds
Hey, hang in there. I hear you re the mask due to myself having to wear one for 17 years. Some things I find that help: 1) Macne, I carry witch hazel toner and make up pads and cleanse my face a few times a day; 2) The stifling of the airways, getting as much oxygen as you can when it’s not mask wearing time such as bush/mountain/beach walks or just sitting high up on a hill taking deep breaths. I’ve been doing the second thing most days—except in winter—for over a decade and it really helps offset the mask symptoms.
In Melbourne, Australia, masks are essential for everyone. I’m out bush so rarely see another soul when out walking so I can get away with just carrying it with me. And given I’m now on oxygen on my bad days, it’s important I get that mask free time in fresh air. I hope you can too.
I’m reading Damascus by Christos Tsiolkous and loving it.
Smell ya later, Michellina
Hi! Thank you for the mask suggestions! I occasionally try to step outside the building where it’s safe to take big breath of fresh air and should try to do that more often. Toner and makeup pads is an excellent idea. I don’t know how you have been doing this for 17 years, but you’re amazing.
I don’t wear a mask when I take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood, since we never come anywhere close to another person, but otherwise I wear it everytime I’m in public. Fortunately that’s usually only for short periods of time, like when I go to the market, except on days where I’m in the office now.
Thanks for the book recommendation!
Lovely to see a post from you – I’ve missed them/you! If I could drink I would probably have been legless every day of the lockdown, but as I can’t I ate instead and am as fat as a whale 😆. Pah, if you can’t put on 8lbs during a killer pandemic when can you?! x
I’m so glad you said that, because I have been drinking AND eating more during the pandemic! On the days I work from home I’m at our dining room table, and it seems wrong to sit at a dining table if you’re not eating, so…..
…that’s my excuse.
Linds, there are so many times I feel I have nothing worthwhile to say. I write emails to people and just think how boring my life is that all I have are things to moan about. The truth is, I / we your readers, love to read whatever you have to say. Everything is worthwhile, and it’s great to hear from you.
I’m glad you’re masked up and only in the office for two days rather than 5, but I can just imagine how yuck it must be. I wear a 3M mask when I go out but the longest is about 4 hours, and that’s bad enough. A small price to pay for some safety perhaps but still, not pleasant.
I’m sorry things are getting increasingly difficult. It won’t help to know this, but I’ve found myself busier during the pandemic and I think I got a bit peeved that so many were doing fun stuff and finding the lockdown to be great for their mental health when it was having the opposite effect for me. I’m taking on more things to do and looking out for my parents, so my health’s taking the brunt of it. As you say, with time going on and no end in sight it can be hard to imagine normality returning. But this will end one day. The pandemic won’t last forever. We just need to make it out the other side. You’ve got this. I’m sure you’re too stressed and busy to, but if ever you want to chat then I’m always around.
Sending lots of love. Stay safe,
Caz xx
That’s very sweet of you to say, thanks Caz!
Yes, masks are so uncomfortable! However, with a deadly pandemic going on, I’m not comfortable without one either. It’s turned into this weird twilight zone where there’s no way to be comfortable in public anymore.
In the beginning, I felt like the pandemic was good for my mental health. It was a nice break and I enjoyed the quiet time. But now everyday feels exactly the same, and with no end in sight, it’s hard to imagine that it won’t be like this forever. I’m sorry the pandemic hasn’t been great for your mental health, and that you have had to take on more things to do. How are your parents handling it all?