happy new year 2024…

Well, friends, that’s a wrap on 2023. What a year. It was a good one, the best I have had in recent memory. This was the year I got some of my life back. In 2018, my mother-in-law died a death that was traumatic to witness, screaming on the regular from overwhelming pain. I still haven’t found the words to explain how selfish it feels to have to stare into your own eyes while applying mascara so you can go off to work while someone violently clings to life in the next room. That does things to you.

Then my mom died in 2019. Then COVID hit in 2020, and it started with us keeping my father-in-law safe, and as time passed, morphed into being full-time caregivers. This year I committed to getting some semblance of that lost life back.

I concluded the year with a new job, which includes a fairly significant promotion. I’m finally where I should be, professionally, even with, or perhaps in spite of, my chronic illnesses. Husband and I started counseling, which I know sounds like it belongs squarely in the negative column, but we finally acknowledged that having his dad with us 24/7 is a strain on our marriage, and rightfully so. We’re not less of a couple for admitting that we could use some help, Our marriage counselor has helped me remember that if I want to feel understood, I need to make more of an effort understand. The stories I tell myself aren’t always true.

My life also felt more full this year, more moments experienced. I went to several concerts (The Cure, Beach Boys, Alice in Chains/Guns N’ Roses, and Stevie Nicks/Billy Joel, if you’re interested). My sister and I bought season tickets for the theater and attended a couple of amazing plays (like Book of Mormon and Les Mis) with more to come in 2024. I turned a few old co-workers into acquaintances, a few acquaintances into friends, and friends into family.

I lived alone with my dog for two weeks and loved it. I stepped out of my comfort zone on a few occasions and hated it. I read some books, tried new restaurants, and probably drank too much alcohol.

But it wasn’t all great. Husband didn’t get to go to the Stevie Nicks/Billy Joel concert with me because it was in another state, and his dad refused to go stay with his brother, so husband had to stay home and play caregiver. And that means husband and I now don’t get a night alone together. Ever. We get a couple hours alone together in our house every 4-6 months when his brother takes his dad out for lunch. The first round of LDN didn’t go so well, and the new job is stressful, to put it lightly. My health is less stable than last year, but fortunately only mildly so. For five weeks, my dog has had that nasty respiratory canine illness going around, and it’s concerning. He’s generally a healthy boy, but he wakes up several times per night with coughing fits and wheezing. But I got to share another year of the awe and anguish of living with the people I love, and that is exactly the shit I’m here for.

Life is hard, friends…chronic or healthy, together or singular, young or old, we’re all going through different variations of the same shit. Thank you for letting me share mine with you.

I hope 2024 brings you less pain, more smiles, fewer symptoms, better sleep, faster solutions, longer hugs, and deeper conversations,  I’m grateful for another year with you in my life.

I said once, and I think this is true, the world did not have to be beautiful to work. But it is. What does that mean? – Mary Oliver

Smell ya later.
– Linds