Lindsay
Hi Friends.
Sorry I have been absent for a while. I planned on writing a post after my mom died with the details of her last days.
Then I intended to write about Thanksgiving, and celebrating the holiday with chronic pain/illness.
Then I thought about writing a post on how to spend the holidays while grieving.
Then I wanted to write about setting health or wellness resolutions for the new year.
Obviously, none of that happened. It has been a tough holiday season. I didn’t put up decorations. We didn’t celebrate. I didn’t make a nice Christmas dinner, or wrap any presents, and I thought so very often of my mom.
I need a little more time, but I look forward to reconnecting with all of you, either in person or online, in 2020.
Happy new year, friends. May it be filled with moments that bring you peace, joy, and hope.
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering ‘it will be happier’. – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Smell ya later.
– Linds
Hugs xoxo
I think you’ve done well even doing a New Year post. If I were in your position? I don’t think I could get myself off the floor, I’m really not as strong as some people seem to think. But you are, and you can keep going, bit by bit, just do whatever it takes to get through. Don’t worry about the blog – we’ll all be here whenever you want to write. And I’m always around if ever you want to email, but obviously if you don’t want to talk that’s fine too. I wish I knew what to say, or that I could do something to make any of this any less bloody awful. Please know I’m thinking of you. I really, truly hope there are some brighter days for you ahead for 2020 ♥
Caz xxxx
Thanks, Caz. Most days I’m just proud of myself for getting out of bed and passing as a somewhat functioning human being. As if I needed the stress and emotions of the holidays to make the situation worse. We’re having a celebration of life for my mom this week, and I’m hoping that will bring some peace.
Happy New Year, Caz!
Lindsay,
I hope you find the celebration of your mother’s life cathartic. Be gentle with yourself.
Hi Lindsay, I don’t know you, I only stumbled upon your blog because I was looking for treatments for small fiber neuropathy. Just now I read your post about starting gabapentin, and promptly started looking for an update after you started because of my own problematic experience with that medicine.
I tried a low dose of Neurontin (gabapentin) years ago, and within a week I knew it was making me depressed. I stayed on for one more week, but it got worse. I was on the lowest dose, but when I tried to get off after two weeks on it, I was thrown into suicidal depression. Again, I *knew* it was withdrawal from the medicine. I was lucky, my life was going really well, so I could tell my mood was related to the meds, not my life.
Getting off of it by tapering was hard, since I was on the lowest dose. I had to get empty capsules, and open my gabapentin capsules into them, to split them in half, then thirds, then taking fewer doses, leaving days between doses, eventually getting off without making the side effect of depression or suicidality get worse.
You had the very unfortunate occurrence of your mother dying right around when you started the medicine. Now your post looks like you still may be having depression. If you’re still taking gabapentin, please consider the possibility that although of course you will feel terrible after losing your mother, you also may be having depression as a side effect from the medicine. And if you are like me (and I also have SFN and dysautonomia) it could be very hard to get off of it. And you definitely will need help with that–never get off a medicine that might be messing with your mood, without serious help and support.
Hi,
I apologize for not responding sooner – your comment was stuck in the spam filter. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience with gabapentin. I have had issues with the gabapentin since the beginning, since it makes me so tired. I really wish I could find something else that would help address the neuropathy pain.
That must be so hard to taper off of a medication when you are on the smallest dose. I had a similar experience tapering off of celexa for dysautonomia – I was already cutting the smallest dose in half, and to taper ended up having to crush the pills into crumbs and just take a crumb. Even then I experienced horrible withdrawal effects.
Have you found something else to help with your SFN?
Oh no! I am so very sorry.