emergency response…

Note: I started writing this post before the bombing in Boston on Monday, but debated whether to continue with the post in light of the tragedy. The “emergency” I discuss in the post doesn’t compare to what many experienced Monday at the Marathon, and I don’t in any way intend to compare the two. Yet, responding to any emergency situation, big or small, may be a concern for the chronically ill, so I ultimately decided to continue with the post. Thoughts of hope and peace go out to all those affected by the bombs at the Boston Marathon.

The BF ended up getting sick last week.  I use “BF” to refer to my boyfriend, although I dislike the term “boyfriend”. It makes us sound like we’re 16 and have been dating for three months, when in fact we’ve been together for close to 5 years and have lived together for over 3. He is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, we just haven’t bothered with the legal piece of paper yet. So, to say I care about him would be a huge understatement.

Since the onset of my chronic illnesses, stress, whether physical or emotional, has become difficult to deal with. In times of great, sudden stress, my heart rate doubles or triples, I get extremely dizzy and can have difficulty functioning. However, in the past, I dealt well with stressful situations. I tend to be a very relaxed, calm person and have been able to carry that calm into such situations. When I was 17, I was in a three car accident that left my car totaled. Immediately after I was hit, I got out of my car, went and checked on the other two drivers and called the police.  While we waited for the police to arrive, I comforted the thirty-something year old driver who hit me while she cried on my shoulder. I’m not confident I would respond so rationally now that I don’t always have control over my body. And, as someone with a minor superhero obsession, this is highly worrisome.

As I was saying, the BF came down with what I thought was food poisoning, although now I’m not sure. He was very sick and didn’t eat anything for the first day and struggled to keep any fluids down. He was shaking, almost convulsing, and was very pale. He got up to go to the bathroom, and when he came out, I heard a loud thud. I went to check on him and found him lying on the floor of the bathroom, passed out. He was pale white and dripping with sweat. I panicked and ran to him to wake him up. He regained consciousness and sat up, telling me he just got dizzy and fell, that it was no big deal. But he started to lose consciousness again while he was talking to me. I grabbed the back of his head and laid it back gently so he wouldn’t hit it on the tile. He was completely out again, but his eyes were open, and were huge. I reached for a pulse to make sure his heart was beating okay, but I couldn’t find one. I was terrified. I’m very familiar with checking for a pulse – I check mine multiple times per day. So when I couldn’t find one (he likely had one, it was just very weak), I thought the worst. I ran to grab an ice pack and my phone to call 911.

While I was on the phone with the 911 operator, the BF regained consciousness and assured me he was fine, he had just gotten dizzy. He stood up and walked over to the bed to lay down. After much debating with the BF, I told the 911 operator they didn’t need to send paramedics. I spent the rest of the night watching over the BF to make sure he was okay. It took about 5 days, but fortunately the BF is doing much better now.

While I am pleased that I didn’t pass out next to the BF, my actions do not reflect the calm, collected response I would have exhibited in the past. I panicked, I cried a little, and I overreacted. I, who have historically been accused of under-reacting. After all, I have POTS and ME/CFS – while I don’t usually faint, I know a lot about it. This should have been my time to shine.

But my body took over, my heart started pounding, and the adrenaline started flowing and wouldn’t turn off. In fact, I had increased adrenaline for days after, which was naturally accompanied by an increase in symptoms. And I overreacted, plain and simple. My reaction wasn’t as calm and rational as I’d like, yet somehow I am comforted by the fact that I did react. It may not have been ideal, but my desire and concern for the BF’s safety took over and I sprang into action.

Chronic illness has made me physically weaker – I won’t exactly be dragging any bodies from burning buildings (although I’m not sure why I think I could have done that before). We all have faith in the people who care about us to take over and help us should an emergency situation arise. But because of my illnesses, I often wonder if I would be able to fulfill that role, or if I’m people putting in jeopardy due to my health. It’s very comforting to know that, while I may overreact, instincts will take over and I will react.

There could be situations in the future where that will come in handy.

Stay tuned.

– Linds